chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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