"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
