Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
