have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
