I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
