Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
