She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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