I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
