I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
