Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
