the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
