I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Green mimosas i think yes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
