8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
