I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
