then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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