Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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