At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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