Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize