i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
