the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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