I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
