Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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