I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
