His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
