dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
