Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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