never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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