I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
