I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
