What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
wow bdsm is so cute
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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