He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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