I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
