You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
