then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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