His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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