So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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