No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
