I got chris browned last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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