do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
