ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
