You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
