Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
