Duck Duck Cougar?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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