1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
