So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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