Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
