I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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