I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
