I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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