32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
