apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
