at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
