My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
