Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
