you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
