Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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