Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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