sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
