I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
