It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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