i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
