dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
that is very illegal...i love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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