I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
