it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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