When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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