She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
